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How can I get rid of homosexual urges? What steps should I follow?


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A Brief Description of the Question: 
I am a boy of age 18. I am in a serious mental confusion. Long time ago, due to the influence of my society, I developed liking for boys. I had some tragedies in early childhood too. I tried to rid myself of this habit but couldn’t succeed. So then I made a swear to Allah, but it was very hard to resist. Anyhow I resisted for some months time, but then it became unbearable, so I sadly broke the swear then after the lust was lessened, I became horrified and repented. And again I sweared not to do that but after some weeks, I was again hopeless in front of my sexual desire and sadly I again broke the swear. No I was extremely troubled. Anyhow I sweared again, but this time I am afraid that same will happen. Do I need to give kaffarah (atonement) for it?
The Answer: 

We congratulate you on your efforts to reach an answer...

What is important for us is your being persuaded mentally. In the application period, that is while carrying it out, it will not be as fast as you think. It is quite natural.

Let us make a list to change the behavior and to end it together, and make a course of action.
However, first of all, we would like you to have some information about some concepts. The first one is the will; the second is the mind and the third one is the soul (nafs).

We will give partial information about the relationship of those concepts with each other.
However, as your information about those concepts increase, you will be more successful in carrying out the course of action we will give you.

Let us start with your will: your ability to choose… or your freedom to prefer something. Your will that makes you different from all other creatures....

To be able to choose...
Naturally, to choose necessitates options... well, how do options form and how do we choose?

Options are created by the divine power both in the opposite poles and in the same pole at different levels.
That is, there are both good things and bad things but there are different options in both good things and bad things...

How do we choose the good and the bad? Based on what?
Here the concept ‘the soul’ is in question...
The soul is the center of requesting or wishing in man...
It can be used both for the good and for the bad.
Satan, which represents the bad, together with the soul, always suggests using our will in the bad way...
That is, Satan seduces our mechanism of requesting into the bad...
However, to request something and to choose something are two different things....
We may want something but we might not do it; we may want something and do it...
The key point is this: man would choose the bad but for the soul...
Therefore, the angels never disobey Allah...
They obey the divine orders because they have the mind. However, since they do not have the soul, this obedience (choice) does not give them any perfection.
It is because it is a choice that has no alternatives or options...

How can we know whether what we want is good or bad?
Here, it is the duty of the mind...
God Almighty presents us the good and the bad through the prophets and books He sends...
He does not leave it to us to decide what is good and what is bad...

What if we did not have the mind?
We would not be responsible for any of our choices...
Just like child who is not mentally developed, who is not punished even when he commits a murder because he does not know what is good...

What if we did not have the soul? We would be like angels...
We would not be able to choose the bad because we would not have an element that forced us to choose it, that is, we would not have a mechanism that desires the bad...
Generally, that is the reason why one cannot do something although he knows that it is good...
You know it but you do not want it...you want it but you have difficulty in doing it...They are all related to the mechanism called the soul...
That is, to know the good and the bad is something and to do the good and the bad deeds is something else...

Let us put together what we have written so far...
First, we are created with an ability to choose...
Then, we are sent to a world where there are choices...
We are left free to make our ability to choose operate...
Then, the divine orders teach us what is good and what is bad.
Then, our souls want to choose the bad due to the influence of Satan...
Allah wants us to choose what He wants by using our will (despite our soul)...

Now, let us deal with your situation
Is homosexuality forbidden by the divine order?
Yes, it is...
You know it through your mind...
However, your soul chooses homosexuality because it works based on the principle of pleasure...
Then, Satan puts a great pressure on you with those choices using the mechanism of pleasure and blocks your will...
Seemingly, you choose but... actually, there is a giant mechanism of desire, the soul, behind your will...

So, what shall we do?

The main element to tend toward a certain behavior in man is the benefit… pleasure...
However, some people believe the benefit is related to the good and some think it is related to the bad...
Those who claim that the benefit is related to the bad give their momentary pleasure that take place immediately as evidence.
That is, they say, "If it were something bad, I would probably not like it."
Those who believe that the benefit is related to choosing the good give the hereafter as evidence.
That is, they say, "Although the things that I am ordered to do not give me a benefit or pleasure at once, they will do so in the future": they trust the divine order and continue their lives...

Therefore, you should not take into account the pleasure that the situation which you are in gives you...
You should deal with what Allah orders you using your mind; you should not take into account the fact that your soul wants it and Satan promises you momentary pleasures...
You should not heed the fact that your soul does not like it when you give up that deviation...
You are a human being!!!
You have a heart!! You have a mind!!!
You should use your will based on the direction that your belief and your mind show you!
First of all, you should believe that if Allah orders you to give up something, it is harmful for you. 

In the second phase, this belief will not be transformed into action immediately! You will fight the threats of Satan and your soul because you are created with perfect equipment that can choose the good although you want the bad...
And you love Allah so much that you will do what He wants despite your soul wants something else!!!
Do not be scared; your soul will support you after a while if you keep it away from Satan...
Show your soul and prove that Allah is the owner of you by surrendering your will to the orders of Allah!
Call your soul to believe in oneness, that Allah is the only God, that the soul is not its own god and that your soul is nothing but a weak and beloved slave of Allah.

In the third phase,
Keep away from the relations triggering that attitude... perform fasting for a while...

In the fourth phase,
If you want what we have explained so far to be effective, never hand over the reins to Satan and your soul even if you commit a sin...
Repent...control yourself, determine where you lost the thread and find out systems to regain.
Never give up the struggle...when you feel hopeless, take refuge in Allah.
Allah will satisfy you so much in your struggle that the things that your soul offers you will be like a glow-worm compared to the sun... Believe it and see it!

In the fifth phase,
Increase your worshipping and knowledge... You cannot carry out this struggle with the equipment you have!!!
You need to increase your weapons and improve them...

Answer 2:

It is not appropriate for a person to break a promise that he gives to himself but there is no kaffarah (atonement) for it.



20-09-2010 04:06:45

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